I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
