Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
