There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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