What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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