whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
