i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
