she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
