I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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