I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
