So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
