i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
