but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
