remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
