I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize