To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
