would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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