I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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