I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
