Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
