Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
