I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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