Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
