So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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