none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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