Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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