I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
