it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
