But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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