I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
