I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
