wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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