My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
