It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
