I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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