yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
