Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
