Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
