This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
