I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
