She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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