Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
