I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
