Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
