omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
