I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
