she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
