I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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