areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
