Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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