so explain again why im purple
no
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
