airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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