Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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