You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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