Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
