SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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