Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
