do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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