He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize