my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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