Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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