what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
