Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
