But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
