Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
