we're chasing vodka with high fives
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
