Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
