I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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