i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize