My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
