I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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