Need sex. Gaining weight.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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