my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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