i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
