if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Ketchup is God's man juice
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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