She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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