Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
