You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
What a dumb baby whore.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
