What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
