drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
