I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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