Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I have fence marks all over my body
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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