Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
zippers are such a cool invention
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
