Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
