This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize