she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
