never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
