How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize