i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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