From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
