We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
