he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize