did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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