if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
