Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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