So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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