I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
it was like eating out sand paper
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
