Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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