pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
