Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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