the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize