sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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