Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize