His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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