Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
