it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
