im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
