THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
