I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
