Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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