did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
