Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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