Capitaan dildo arrescate!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
