any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
